Duncan’s New Rules For Not Being a Douchebag (Male/Female)

1. Be cool to the fella/lady at the front checking you into the gym. They are good people. Say thank you. Choose to be cool and not a douche…you might be in the zone for your curl workout, but even you have 2 seconds to smile and be a good human.

2. If you spill it, clean it up. FML people…you know that was your PWO you knocked over. You know it. If you don’t clean it up, some other person is going to track it all over and make the gym sticky as a school bus…or worse they are going to slip and fall. Stop what you are doing and CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES.

3. RACK YOUR SHIT. You were strong enough to lift it, you are strong enough to put it back. This is the epitome of being a gym douchebag. Just fucking do it. Take 3 minutes and put all 22 plates from the leg machine back. You spent 5-10 minutes finding the right song, choosing the right Insta filter, and posting your #noexcuses #beastmode bullshit video…you can spend a few minutes not being hot trash and put your weights away.

4. If gym staff asks you to do the above…be cool. No, it is not their job. It’s not. It’s yours. They are looking out for their place of business and for the safety of other folks who train there. Be cool and help them out.

5. Get off your freaking cell phone and lift, or, get the EFFFF out of the way. I literally completed an entire deadlift workout yesterday while this a$$clown in the rack next to me was taking selfies and swiping left/right. Bro…what are you doing? You want people to know you are at the gym. Cool. Get your gains, or, get the FACK out of the way and let someone get theirs. Stop. Being. That. Guy/Gal.

6. Learn proper terminology. Came across this in another FB post the other day “Legs tired. Did 4 sets of 6 with my max and added 30 pounds.” This is, by definition, bullshit. If it is your max, you can only do it once. Louder for the people in the back. If you did that weight 24 times, it is not your max. If you added 30 pounds to your max, then you have a new max. “Wanted to go heavier but didn’t want to risk injury.” Are you fucking serious? Heavier than your max? Didn’t want to lift heavier than lifting the most you possibly can? What…are you new? Read a book.

7. If you are a sweaty person, bring a towel. It’s not that hard. I get out of breath dialing a phone and I broke into a full sweat this morning brushing my teeth…sweat happens. Us big kids do it. A lot. BRING A TOWEL. You get off a bench or out of a rack and it looks like The Abyss in there, don’t just stand there and do nothing; wipe it down. And wipe down the bar too you Philistines.

I’m sure there will be more of these in the future, but for the time being, I’ve graced you with enough to take action upon. Folks, it’s not that hard. The gym is a cool place with predominantly cool people; Gals and Guys who are invested in their health and wellness, and I bet if you spoke to them, you’d find out they might even be invested in yours too. Be a good human. Be good to each other. Use some common sense and follow the damn rules.

On my way out of the HEB Center, I encountered several Athletes from the opposing team; our vehicles were parked next to one another…go figure.  I put my gear in my vehicle and was about to drive off, and I thought “Maybe you ought to roll down your window and let them know how impressed you were/are with their courage in the face of so many devastating injuries to their people.”  I hate seeing Athletes, or really anyone for that matter, suffer an injury…even if they are on the opposing side.  I’ve had more than my fair share, and I wouldn’t wish injury on my worst enemy, let alone on these Ladies who came to Austin to get down with the get down.

So I rolled the window down and was approached by two of the players; I introduced myself and proceeded to thank them for the great game, and to extend my most sincere condolences for their peers.  They were very gracious, and the conversation was good.

And then it happened.  She said it.

“I can’t believe we lost.”

I mean…what in the actual?  Can’t believe you lost?  Really?  I don’t know about you, but that takes some SERIOUS stones; it’s one thing to think it but it’s an entirely different thing to say it out loud.  And to say it to a Coach of the opposing Team…

I’ll admit, she kinda caught me on my back foot.  I had to know, so I asked:  “How’s that?”

So she went through the laundry list of injuries to key players; this is a legitimate, and truly unfortunate, thing.  Like I said, I hate it when folks get banged up.  It’s too close.  But the whole “we didn’t win because X,Y, and Z got hurt” doesn’t wash with me.  I mean, if my Aunt had a d*ck she’d be my Uncle.

“We knew what you were doing before you did.”  This I do believe.  MULTIPLE times during the game I watched the opposing Coaching Staff eye-balling our signal caller; Good for them, stupid move for us.  But that’s something we can fix.  We will.

But the last thing she said, and the thing that really kept me up all night, was this:

“I mean, y’all beat such and such, and you couldn’t do anything in the second half against basically our second string (sic) when we got rolling.  Chances are pretty good we’ll see you in a few weeks and if that’s all you’ve got…might be time to rethink your strategy.  Cuz you won’t get lucky again (sic).”

Let’s unpack this:

1. Yes, we did defeat last year’s Champions and the team most keyboard warriors have picked to win in this year.  Neither of those was easy, or pretty, but we managed it.
2. The second half of the game was NOT our best effort.  Mental mistakes cost us over, and over, and over.  Multiple first downs were gained and multiple points were scored because we simply got outplayed by a team who wanted it more and executed when we didn’t.  Now I don’t say this to be a downer…God knows I am proud of you Ladies.   I say this because I looked around the field and I saw the same looks in some of your faces as I saw in the faces of that other team …when it hit home that the Acoustic didn’t come out to play a football game…we came to win one.  That look was fear…fear that we were out of time and out of options.
3. When the chips were down, the Athletes on our team made it work.  You found a way.  We made a stop when we had to make it, and we scored the final touchdown when we had to.  Our Head Coach set the bar higher than their staff could reach.  We had just enough when it mattered.  This might not always be the case.
4. Yes, playoff math is a fuzzy as all hell, but it seems likely we will see them again in four weeks.  They want that rematch.  Battered and bruised as they are, with most of their key players having suffered season/career ending injuries, they want that rematch.  This tells me something.  What does it tell you?

There were many, many lessons from Saturday night.  Lots of takeaways.  Lots of things to think about.  These lessons were cheap; we got the W, no one got hurt, and we basically stayed in the driver’s seat for the rest of our season…playoff math doesn’t really affect us at this point, win, lose, or draw against Nashville.

Los Angeles hit us hard, and proved something to me, and hopefully to every single one of you Ladies who takes the time to read this:  We are almost ready to be Champions.

Almost.

Come to practice.  Be on time.  Know your assignment.  Know your alignment.  Know your routes.  Know your coverage responsibilities.  Know them like you know the faces of your Parents.  Or your Husbands.  Or your Wives.  Or your Children.

Champions do.

If we do all of that, we will make the final.  Hell, with all of that and a little luck, we might even win the damn thing.  But if we don’t…if we take our foot off the gas now…if we don’t hold one another accountable for the things we do and the things we don’t do…then we run the very real risk of handing our shot at glory back to Los Angeles in four weeks.

They’re counting on it.

I am counting on you.

 

Always more to do.

Training Manual is coming along…soon.  Very soon.

Deadlifts moving along…going to bring my Texas Power Bar to Gold’s tomorrow and see what jumps off.  It’s MUCH stiffer, but with significantly more aggressive knurling.  Hooray hookgrip.

Time to be a GD man about it!!!

Also starting a 60 day cut.  So there’s that.

“And if you are very strong indeed, that is a god’s gift.” – Agamemnon

I chose the image of Achilles and Agamemnon’s quote from The Iliad because it truly encapsulates our shared pursuit of health and strength.  We all have gifts; few of us truly exercise those gifts to their maximum, and intended, potential.  We settle.  We equivocate.  We give ourselves an out.  We’ll do it tomorrow.

For those unfamiliar with Achilles (not the one from RobotJox) and the Iliad, let me break it down for you.  Achilles was not your typical badass…he was “That Guy.”  Fastest, strongest, most ruthless in battle, and minus those heels was for all intents and purposes invulnerable.  You trade all kind of draft picks to get him.  If he’s on your team, you win.  Print the shirts and plan the parade.

He was the very last person you wanted to peek over your shield and see coming at you.  You were the weak, and he was the tyranny of evil men…now give him back his wallet and get out of the diner.

Even with all that badassery (not a word) there was a catch, as foretold by his mother:  Achilles would die a glorious death in battle as a young man, remembered forever, or die in peace and obscurity as an old man forgotten.

Achilles walked onto the plains of Troy knowing he put a hard stop on his tomorrows.  He made his choice.  Today is a great day for you to make yours.

Think about how many tomorrow’s you’ve enjoyed.  Lucky you.  Now think about all the things you’re “going to do.”  Pfffft.  Sure.  Maybe you are.  Mann tracht, un Gott lacht.  Maybe instead of walking your Daughter down the aisle you’ll have a heart attack, stroke, or some other major complication related to a poor diet and lack of commitment to fitness.  Maybe you’ll develop PAD and/or peripheral neuropathy as a result of your unwillingness to exercise and you’ll have your toes amputated.

If this offends you GREAT!  I’ve got your attention.  Now hear me:  Invest in yourself and your Family.  Get off your ass and go do something.  Take a walk.  Throw a ball.  Throw away that garbage food.  Take MASSIVE ACTION and take control of your today…give yourself a better chance for tomorrow.

Or keep kicking the can down your road.  Keep putting this stuff off.  Roll the dice.

MANuary 1st Lift

Leg Day…found this little gem on TNation,  Looking forward to it.  Leg Press Hell

 

Been a hot minute since I’ve posted.  Lots and lots and lots of stuff happening, just like with everyone else who reads this I am sure.  Let’s start at the top:

1.  Carnivore Diet.  Huge success.  Joints felt great, bodyfat when down.  I will be repeating this diet during MANuary…my kickstart to 2019.
2. Almost completed DEADcember with my boy/Coach TRob.  Slight tear of my QL on the right side really complicated things there at the end.  Basically, an overuse injury.  I’m getting over it, and will give 700 another run in a month or so.  It’s there.  I know it is.  I made a small mistake and learned my lesson.
3. The book!  YES!  Just about done.  I will preface this by saying I wrote it in my real voice.  There are going to be some things in there folks are not going to want to read.  Some things might come as a shock/surprise.  I’m good with that.  Don’t get me wrong:  It is NOT my intention to offend anyone.  I am here to educate and be educated.  That being said, there is A LOT of bullsh*t out there that is keeping people fat, weak, and unfulfilled.  I aim to change some of that.
4. Check back for daily workouts!!!  Accountability matters.

Monday 12/31

Abs (Got to do these first or they won’t get done!)

• Ankle Touches (2 sets of 40)
• Crossbody Pass (2 sets of 20…Left/Right=1)
• Wide Mountain Climbers (2 sets of 25…Left/Right=1)
• Plank w/Elbow Raise (2 sets of 10…Left/Right=1)

Chest (Because it’s Monday and if I don’t do it now the jabronies will get me!)

• DB Flyes (2 sets of 12 w/10 lb DB’s…this is a warm up)
• DB External Rotations (2 sets of 10 w/10 lb DB’s)
• Band Pull Aparts (3 sets of 15 w/Purple band)
• DB Incline Press (5 sets of 20 w/75 lb DB’s…used 5 different bench settings low to high)
• Machine Press (4 sets of 10 w/135 lbs per side)

Back (My favorite)

• Bodyweight Rows (3 sets of 10,12,15)
• Chest Supported Rows (3 sets of 10 w/180 pounds)
• Mid-Back Cable Rows (3 sets of 10 w/Stack)
• Wide Grip Lat Pulldown (3 Sets of 10 w/Stack)

 

Two Clients back to back, then Biceps and Triceps.  Two-A-Days throughout MANuary.

“He fights with fury and fills men’s souls with panic.  I hold him mightiest of them all; we did not fear even their great champion Achilles, son of an immortal though he be, as we do this man:  his rage is beyond all bounds, and there is none can vie with him in prowess.”